Intro CGI..
Despite the fact I hate these things, I figure seeing as I haven't updated in a while, so it might help remind you all who I am.
Boom.
(Oh, yes. Taken from Simon. Great guy, yadda yadda, wish he was my clone so I didn't have to rewrite literally everything, yadda yadda.)

Name: Stuart. Stu. Stuey. Your Bitch for only $20 an hour.
Sex: Male
Age: 19
Birthday: Winter Solstice. Oooh, cryptic... (21 of June so you know when to send the booze)
Place of Birth: Margaret River I think... *Shrug* I think I'm repressing the memory. Anyone who wants to know why is a sick puppy.
Siblings: Brother, 29ish, Sister 27ish, Sister 22ish
Parents: I have a Dad. I'd rather eat my own testicles than admit lineage to the thing that birthed me.
Pets: 2 Goats.
Height: 6'* (Where * is anywhere from 0 to 2, depending on who I ask.)
Hair Color: Mousey Blonde. Squeek.
Eye Color: Brown/green
Eye Color of Choice: Green. Or yellow.
Writing Hand: Right
Current Residence: A place without ADSL.


BODY ILLS AND SKILLS
Do you bite your nails?: Nope.
Do you pick your nose?: Why, wanna know what it tastes like?
Are you double jointed?: I don't even smoke one at a time, nevermind... Oh, wait. No.
Can you roll your tongue?: Wes, fut iz har to ttolk.
Can you raise one eyebrow at a time?: You can't? O.o
Can you blow smoke rings?: With smoke or air? Mute point, because I can't.
Can you blow spit bubbles?: Projectile bubbles or crazy man foam? No and maybe.
Can you flare your nostrils?: You could fit a chihuhua up there. Not that that's saying much...
Can you cross your eyes?: Probably.
Tattoos?: Heh...
Piercings and where?: See above.
Do you make your bed daily?: No, I buy it from a store like a normal person.

CLOTHES
What goes on first, bra or underwear?: I dunno, generally I like to take Bra's off... *Cough* o.o Uh... I like the freedom. Yer...
Which shoe goes on first?: First one I grab.
Speaking of shoes, have you ever thrown one at anyone?: Nope, just a glass jar.
On the average, how much money do you carry in your purse/wallet?: Average? Including plastic? $50-$400. But the $400 never lasts long.
What jewelry do you wear 24/7?: Look up 6 questions.
What's sexiest on a chick?: Japanese school girl outfit? I watch too much Manga... Oh, oh! A bright smile.
Would you rather be on time and look OK or 10 minutes late and look great?: On time? Explain this term? I'm just naturally late.
Favorite piece of clothing: Bad. Ass. Jack. Et.

FOOD
Do you twirl your spaghetti or cut it?: I just stick my head in the bowl and slurp.
Have you ever eaten Spam?: Yes. Slimy. Spicy. Never again.
How many cereals in your cabinet?: Does bread count?
What utensils do you use to eat pizza?: Head. Box. Slurp.
Do you cook?: The thing about it is, it takes at least a minute to boil the water, so really, they're three minutes. Or longer.

GROOMING
How often do you brush your teeth?: Whenever I get time. Usually nightly.
How often do you shower/bathe?: Every morning. Unless real rushed. Real real rushed.
How long does your shower last?: 10 minutes-30 minutes. Thus the late.
Hair drying method: I gel. Best to keep it damp. Then bounce like a maniac.
Do you paint your nails?: I like Hot pink. It shows my sensitive side.

MANNERS
Do you swear?: More than I'd like. Or a I fake it. Mudder fudder.
Do you ever spit?: Yes.

IN AND AROUND
The CD Player: It's called Win Amp. What? You living in the 90's or something?
Person you talk most on the phone with: Emily.
Do you regularly check yourself out in store windows and mirrors?: No. I laugh at people who do though.
What color is your bedroom?: First coat blue. Second coat will go on in about 6 months ago.
Do you use an alarm clock?: I wake to 'Spider man, Spider man, does whatever a Spider can' for the last week. I'm addicted or lazy. Take your pick.
Name one thing you are obsessed with: Emily. My computer. Not filling these things out. Grammar Online. Money. Learning to count.
Have you ever skinny-dipped with the opposite sex?: They may be listening...
Ever sunbathed nude?: When I was 5? Don't think so.
Window seat or aisle?: Window Seat. Think I'd be sick of watching the world go by by now...

LA LA LAND
What's your sleeping position?: On back or side.
What kind of bed do you like?: Mine.
Even in hot weather do you use a blanket?: I only seem to have a Doona... O.o
Do you snore?: Apparently. Show me the proof I say!
Do you sleepwalk?: Nope.
Do you talk in your sleep?: No, but I mime.
Do you sleep with a stuffed animal?: A pillow?
How about with the light on?: Not that I recall.
Do you fall asleep with the TV or radio on?: My GeForce 4 is louder... So sorta.

GUY QUESTIONS
What is the first thing you notice when you look at a girl?: Depends which way she's facing. Can't say more. Her spys are everywhere.
What do you think of cheating?: Cheating in games? Acceptable. On someone you're dating? *Hands Simon another round*
Makeup: Over done.
Tell the truth: Wasn't me. Oh, truth.. Damn.

WHICH IS BETTER
Coke or Pepsi?: Good Coke, not the acidy stuff.
Oranges or apples?: Depends.
One pillow or two?: 1
Deaf or blind?: Deaf
Pools or hot tubs?: Hot tub full of Jello and the female cast of Buffy.
Blondes or brunettes?: Blondes can have sex appeal... But Brunettes have a sorta... Quieter attractiveness. Depends on rest of her.
Tall or short?: Shorter. And flexible. Brown? On my nose? Where?
TV or radio?: DVD.
Beach or pool?: Stinger free beach.
Sunrise or Sunset?: Sunset.
Hamburger or Cheeseburger?: KFC Fillet Burger
Morning or night?: Night. Suits the Jacket.
Sports or news?: Valium.
Bikini or one-piece?: String Bikini.
Christmas Eve or Christmas Day?: Bring on the presents and goodwill.
Cake or ice cream?: Gelato.
Hamburger or Hot Dog? KFC Fillet burger.
Dog or Cat?: Cats as a rule of thumb. Dogs are more needy.
Bath or shower?: Shower.

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU
Took a shower?: About 13 hours ago.
Watched Bambi: About... 2 weeks back I saw snippets at work.
Cried?: I have a theory that I've evolved past tear ducts.
Talked on the phone?: 5:30 today when the Evil rang me from her holiday. While I was at work. How nice.. For her.
Read a book?: Ages. Waiting on next Terry Goodkind. Ask Dymocks, I bug them.
Punched someone?: I don't really punch... I go more beserker...

THE FUTURE
Where do you see yourself in ten years?: Rich. Not in Busselton.
Who are you going to be married to?: Someone who can make me laugh and put up with me.
How many kids?: 2-4.
Your profession: Computer programming. Network support. Male Gigallo. Whatever pays best at the time and is most fun.
Future School: Curtin. If you mean Highschool you need to grow up.
Car of Your Dreams: One that flys. Fast. Red. It goes faster.

Well.... Done. NOW, for the unoffical Kiljoys awards! Drum rolls please.
K-tshk!
Person most likely to save the world from Invasion goes to... Tancred!
Reason: He got smarts.

Person most likely to lead the invasion: Doc.
Reason: He speaks in tongues when he sleeps...

Person most likely to be dressed in a Princess Leia Slave Girl costume by the invaders: Emily.
Reason: Like I could say anything else and keep my balls...

Person most likely not to notice: Me.
Reason: As long as they shop at Harveys it'll be the same old souless bastards excpecting free things.

Person most likely to die a Martyr: We wish. [1]
Reason: [1] One last punch to the gut for old times sake, 'eh?[2]

Person most likely to repell the invaders: Bjorg. Or whatever.
Reason: This lady smokes crack. Come into HN Busso. Watch her music video that we have looping. You'll see.

Person least likely to score with an Alien chick: Neo.
Reason: Even aliens aren't THAT freaky.

People most likely to get brainwashed into having a threesome: Sarah, Katy and Emily.
Reason: I'm a bad bad boy...

Person most likely to sell his services to either side: Virohex
Reason: Have you met him?

TV Program most likely to repulse the invaders: Tampon ads.
Reason: Somethings you just don't need to know. Or visualise. [3]

Well, that ends the awards for now. Be sure to check back later.

Boom, Baby.
--Kiljoy the over worked.
[2] Normally this would eb at the end, but I needed a reason.
[3] People with over active imaginations should probably stop reading about 2 words back.
[4] There was no 4. Guess who else needs to learn to count? [5]
[5] Oh yes. Consider me to have whined about stock take. And yes, I know if there was no 4, technically this can't be 5. It would be 4. But then we're in some kind Chicken and the Egg loop.

posted by Unknown at 8/01/2002 06:49:00 AM [edit]